Happy Birthday, Katie!

p style="visibility:visible;">

Katie: Big hug, little hug. What begins with hug?
Mommy: Love.
Katie beams at Mommy and they give each other a warm hug and kiss at bedtime.

I cannot believe that my baby is four years old already. Where did the time go? All day yesterday I was flashing back to memorable moments of her through the years. She has grown up so much!

Since Katie’s birthday fell on a Monday, we had her parties on the weekend. I knew that it would be too overwhelming if we did everything at once. So, on Saturday we had her friend party. It was inside the Carousel Building of the Beardsley Zoo. Guests rode the merry-go-round four times, made animal-shaped picture frames, had lunch, and participated in an animal encounter. Katie asked for a bunny. The staff surprised us and not only had a bunny, but also their new turtle from Russia. It was like The Tortoise and the Hare right in front of us! The children enjoyed it very much. When it came time to blow out her candles and make a wish, Katie said she did not want to make a wish. She felt she already had everything for which she could ever wish. I could not be more proud of how she is becoming such a humble, unselfish and moral person.

Saturday also brought another surprise…one of the worst storms the county has seen in decades. Yup, torrents of rain fell upon us. The Norwalk River flooded cars in parking lots. Rings End, less than a mile down the road, was under water when we drove past it early Sunday morning. The deluge of rain was coupled with 70 mph winds. Power outages caused by falling trees occurred everywhere. Many schools are still out today and it is Tuesday! Every which way we turned to get home from the zoo was blocked off. There were not enough emergency crews to handle all the damage. We even saw a huge tree land on top of a car! By the time we got home, it was 4:45 pm. Phillip dozed off. Peter, who never naps, crashed on the couch and was out within seconds. Katie summed it up best when she said to me, “I am happy for my presents. I want to see what’s inside, but I just want to go to bed.” And with that, she changed into her comfy and cozy pajamas before crawling into our bed for a short nap while I made a light dinner.

Sunday we ventured out to my grandmother’s house for the family party. The driving was okay. It rained until we got just outside of Vernon. State workers were still clearing trees off the Merritt Parkway when were on it. The drive back was better as we took 91 to 95 in order to avoid the single lane movement on the Merritt.

Grandma made Katie a beautiful sweater with a matching hat. It is so soft. Katie has rarely taken it off since receiving it! My mother came over and we all shared a nice supper. Katie loved all her presents and kept commenting to me that it was such a wonderful birthday. On the car ride home, Katie and Phillip played their own version of “Keep Away” with the animal Katie received from Mom. Their giggles made Peter and I smile. It made the time on the road disappear.

Since yesterday was Katie’s actual birthday, we had a perfectly quiet and calm family dinner at home. Mom and our neighbors called to wish Katie a happy birthday. Peter called from work to talk to her just before he headed home. Katie, while admiring the tablescape, said, “Ooooo! It is just so beautiful. It is the loveliest party ever, ever. The beautifulest! I just love it, Mommy! I love my beautiful party.” The table was bedecked with princesses (of course). When Katie saw her presents from us, she commented, “There are princesses on my presents, too!” referring to the wrapping paper. We shared a meal, played with our Princess Tiana party blowers, and laughed. As she was enjoying cake, it was my turn to serenade Katie with songs I created just for her. She swayed in her seat to the music and Phillip piped in several times with an enthusiastic “Happy!” More giggles, more fun.

Phillip was so cute at bedtime. After I put him to bed, I heard him chattering. Turns out he was singing “Happy Birthday” in his own toddler way. What a fitting ending for such a perfect evening!

My baby is four years old already. Since she did not make her wish when blowing out candles, let me make one for her. I wish that she remains the “beautifulest” inside and out her whole, long, healthy, peaceful and blessed life.

March

“The harder you work in fifth grade, the easier sixth grade will be; and the harder you work in sixth grade, the easier seventh grade will be…”
“So it never ends? But when do I get to rest?”
“You can rest anytime you choose. You just have to decide if that is the right choice for you to make.”
************************************************************
“Nothing will be handed to you in this lifetime. If you want something, if you set your mind to it, then work hard. Put in the effort to make it happen.”
************************************************************
“Don’t forget your poem.”
************************************************************
“Family is the most important thing. But if a family member does not embody the same values as you, remove them for your life. Remove the toxin. Surround yourself only with people, friends and family, who represent what you believe in.”
************************************************************
“Look all around you. Isn’t the wonder of His beauty amazing?”
************************************************************
“I am proud of you, kiddo.”
************************************************************
“I love you.”
************************************************************
March cannot begin without me thinking about my dad. I think about him daily, of course, but I have been bothered by something. When the pastor of my father’s choosing asked me to write a eulogy, I couldn’t do it. I wrote the obituary. I did all the tasks set forth before me in the manner my father requested when we spoke in private shortly before he became incoherent. But I could not write a eulogy. For these last couple of years I have tried to write a blog entry. I can’t.

I remember his last words to me. We were having one of our private, albeit brief, conversations in his hospital room. He had just begun Hospice care. I told him about how I kept seeing butterflies whenever I thought about him. There were dozens of them. I, however, never saw the butterflies at any other time. In the back of my mind, I knew the religious significance of the butterflies, but refused to fully acknowledge it. It was as if I admitted their symbolism, then I would be ushering in his passing sooner than if I denied their meaning.

He cried when I mentioned the butterflies. I knew that he, being a deeply spiritual man, was thinking about the religious connotation as well. His final words to me -so hard for him to utter- were, “Butterfly, butterfly. I love you.” He then closed his eyes with tears down his cheeks.

I asked him to send me a butterfly and he nodded that he would…

The afternoon before he passed away, Katie was watching Sesame Street, so the poor man had to listen to a children’s show on his speakers. Peter was talking with Mom. I held Dad’s hand, leaned in close, and recited the rosary with him and an additional Lord’s Prayer. Somehow I knew I was saying my final good-bye and I could hardly get through the prayers. Choking back tears as to not worry others in the room, I quietly whispered that it was okay to go. That I knew God was waiting for him and that all will be well here. Not to worry about Mom, Grandma, or me. Not to worry about what will happen to himself as God would hold him tight.

In his last act of compassion for others, Dad waited until his best friend from childhood, Bill Senk, was with him. Dad did not want Mom to go through the pain of watching his spirit leave his body. He knew she would have too much grief as it was at the time.

And, he sent me my butterfly.

New Year, New Me

Resolutions. The very thought can be dreadful when you are coming down off the high of the winter holidays, but the process is so essential to our existence, isn’t it? Sure, come January 1st, everyone resolves to lose weight, quit a bad habit, or the like. Not to belittle such resolutions, but I believe that if one is truly self-reflective, then she searches deep within on a regular basis and adjusts as is necessary.


The process of self-awareness and growth takes much effort. Sometimes I do not like what I see when I take an honest look at myself. I tend to have quite a viperous tongue and sometimes let my internal dialogue be heard. Not good. I am so much a Type A personality that I do not have patience for those who are the opposite and seemingly waste my time. I often focus on helping others to the point that I neglect myself and to the point that I become used. In turn, I get mad at myself for letting myself get taken advantage of by others. And, of course, I could lose weight.


It is easy to get caught in a spiral of self-scolding. While you need to stop and honestly see who you have become, you also need to take time to count your strengths. After assessing both sides with equal vigor, you can then set your intentions of what specific things you wish to manifest for yourself because you can clearly see how those things would make your life better.


I care so deeply for those whom I love that I want to help them in every way possible. I want to make their destinies come true, but one of my life lessons is to realize that we all have to travel our own paths. By embracing all that I need to do to become a better person, my soul will recognize its gift from God. In turn, not only will I grow, but those loved ones around me will benefit as well. Sounds easy when written on paper, but hard to remember.


So, what do I need to do at this moment? It is my intention to be a better wife to Peter as he is my whole world. Therefore, I will be patient with him and use kinder words in moments of anger. It is my intention to be a better mother as Katherine and Phillip are also my whole world. I will exercise more patience and understanding. I will become the type of person I want them to become – patient, loving, compassionate, intelligent, moral, ethical. It is my intention to provide for my family so that we never have financial worries. I will earn a promotion while teaching my children the importance of saving.


What do you see when you look deep within? What do you truly want to manifest for yourself? How will you make it happen?

My Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. I have to say it was one of my best birthdays...ever. EVER! It started with Katie finding me in Phillip's room. I was just about to get him out of his crib when she came over to me trailing her favorite pink blankie made by Maureen. (You cannot separate my kiddos from the blankets Maureen makes for them, or from the nighttime afghans made by Grandma, but I digress.) So, Katie finds me and asks, "Is today your birthday, Mommy?" I told her it was indeed my birthday and she enthusiastically said, "Happy Birthday, Mommy!" while giving me a hug and kiss. Phillip, who was watching everything, jumped up and down in his crib shouting, "Happy!" with a big ear-to-ear grin.



I went through all the typical morning tasks with Phillip (diaper change, nebulizer treatment as he has a bad cough, bottle, tickles) and then went back to bed for a few minutes. Katie climbed in and said, "Get ready for a birthday hug, Mommy" and hugged me. She kept giving me birthday hugs and kisses. One hug was a "special rainbow hug with sparkles that only come when I hug you, Mommy." She also told me all the things that she thought made me "beautiful".



Later in the day, Katie made my birthday cake with Peter. I was sitting at the dining room table getting materials organized for Katie's gifts for her teachers and chuckling at the conversation occurring between the two of them. Here is one particularly charming snip it from when they were cleaning up:
Peter: So who is the better cook, better baker - Daddy or Mommy?"
Katie: Me! I am the best cooker.



Katie then decorated all her jars of homemade cookie mix for her teachers.(The night before we made the jars. It was fun, but it takes some time that we waited until the next day to add the tags, ornaments, and ribbon.) Phillip kept blowing me kisses. Meanwhile, Katie was so anxious to frost the cake that when I said she would not frost until after nap time was over, she could not take a nap. Finally, I let her go get her father to frost the cake while I stayed in the other end of the house pretending to be oblivious. Katie would come to me every so often with chocolate on her face. Her face would get wiped clean and the next visit...more chocolate. Katie then placed all the candles herself.



Another thing that occurred was that Katie knew exactly which party dress she wanted to wear with which tights and which sparkly shoes and related accessories. She then told Peter, "Go change into your handsome clothes, Daddy." Peter replied, "What are my 'handsome clothes'?" Katie: "I don't know, but you have to put them on. It's Mommy's birthday."



Peter made my birthday dinner (breaded chicken cutlets, rice pilaf, and young peas). Katie declared it the best dinner ever. Phillip spit the chicken out, but happily noshed on halved blueberries and peas. Katie wanted a table cloth on the table, but Peter said we didn't need one. When it came time to light the candles....oh, you have to picture the scene in your mind's eye. Peter was using these puny, short matches that burned down to your fingers by the time you lit one candle. Well, he would light some candles and go to blow out the match before his finger burnt off only he would not turn away from the cake, so he would end up blowing out the very candles he just lit! This pattern continued for quite a few times with Katie growing exasperated with her father. Finally they were all lit and Katie helped me blow them out.



As we were enjoying cake, Katie serenaded me with three songs she created herself. They were fabulous and even Phillip smiled and clapped with enthusiasm. After dinner, Katie had us participate in a "Royal Birthday Parade". We then piled into the car and drove around looking at Christmas lights while singing Christmas carols. It truly was the best birthday ever. Best. Ever.

Thanksgiving

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving to you all! We had a quiet one this year. I could have cooked a meal, but since no one was around, Katie and I had spaghetti and meatballs. How very untraditional of us, I know. You see, on the previous Tuesday, I had sinus surgery.

After being on antibiotics for essentially the entire year, every year, I went to an ear, nose, throat specialist. He first tried washes and sprays. No relief. Then he looked with a scope. Afterwards, I had a CT Scan. The scan showed that each sinus opening was blocked by bone. So, I scheduled surgery. I chose the Ridgefield Surgical Center because this sort of thing is all they do and to be away from viruses found in a hospital setting. The center was sparkling! The staff was running way ahead of schedule and as soon as I walked through the door, they took me back to begin prepping me.

I was nervous about anesthia. For one thing, I did not want to be intubated. And for another thing, I am always nausous. I was afraid of the vommitting upon waking up from general anesethia. Everyone tried to calm me. I took things one moment at a time. I put my head down on the operating room table and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in recovery.

Waking up was hard. My throat was beyond dry. But the hard part was my chest. I had this really tight, wound up feeling in my chest. It felt very much like a bad asthma attack. I then began to panic which did not help matters. Eventually, I caught a small breath. Later, I needed my inhaler.

Once home, I tried to sleep, but I was overtired. Luckily, I had spent the morning making sure everything was in place for when I returned home from surgery. Fresh sheets on the bed. Pillows stacked up to make me stay in an almost 90 degree position to reduce swelling and help with drainage. Towel on the pillows in case the gauze leaked. Water and medication with medication schedule next to the bed. Premade food in the fridge to heat up for the kiddos. House cleaned and tidied up. Not perfect, but pretty good. Babysitters lined up for the next few days to help me over the long weekend.

Pain. The surgery I had was a lot of little procedures all at the same time. The doctor removed bone spurs and a bone filled with air. He then removed polyps and cysts from within one sinus. The doctor also reduced the turbinates. Finally, he corrected my severely deviated septum. The doctor used a lot of new technologies to minimize bleeding. Therefore, there was no need for packing. People always complain about packing. The doctor only had to use the splints. The splints are these long plastic things that are flat on one side and have a breathing tube on the other. They are about 3 inches long.

The discomfort was from the swelling against the splints. Also, my upper teeth ached like they were about the fall out or something. There was immense pressure behind my eyes, too. A dry throat did not help either. I suffered through the first night with fitful sleep at best. Finally, in the afternoon of the next day, I took a pain pill. It took a few doses over the course of the afternoon and evening before things were numb. I suppose the medication needs to build up in your system over time. I needed the pain meds for the first three days. Afterwards, the swelling went away and I was okay just with the antibiotic.

The bleeding stopped after three days. On Sunday night, however, Phillip did not want to come out of the bath and he flailed about wildly...hitting my nose just right. It was like a gusher! I saturated one gauze pad after another. Luckily, the doctor opened his office for me and took care of things. My nose looks the same from the outside. Inside, it is very dry and sore, but I can live with that while things heal. I pray all heals perfectly. I still do not have permission to blow my nose which is weird, but like I said, I am fine with that as long all heals perfectly. Already I can feel a difference, so the surgery was worth it!

Some Recent Pictures

Update on Phillip

Phillip, Phillip, Phillip. He is ...uh... a terror on two feet! I mean this term in the most affectionate way. Really, I do! Maybe it is because he is a boy, or maybe it is because he is the younger sibling, or maybe it is the age, but whatever the reason, Phillip loves to destroy things. It does not matter what is in his way either. He will just plow over (or through) the obstacle and keep on going. People, toys, furniture. Nothing is a match for him. If Phillip wants to get past, he is either going over or through the person or object.

Let me paint a picture for you. During free range baby time, the living room floor is strewn with a myriad of objects in just mere seconds: books, blocks, stackers, finger puppets, cards, couch cushions, teethers, stuffed animals, the monkeys from Katie's monkeys in a barrel, puzzle pieces, and (Would you believe it?) more! Katie has given up helping me clean up after Phillip. It is a never-ending job.

You should see when Phillip starts cruising towards Katie's shelves. Katie literally flies across the room and hastily begins placing things as high as she can get them while on tip toe or asks an adult to quickly take the items in question. The other objects are quickly scooped up in her arms and she flees down to her bedroom where she hides them in the most random locations. She fears (and rightfully so) that Phillip will tear apart her beloved things. While Katie understands that some items are just Katie's, some items are just Phillip's, and other items are for sharing, Phillip is too young to understand this concept. When we remind him (by removing the items from his possession or area of reach), he screams ....loudly.

Now that I think about it, perhaps passionate is a better term for Phillip. He is quite passionate about what he does, no matter the task. Katie is too, for that matter. She wears her heart on her sleeve. Phillip is driven and analytical from what I can gather so far. But, yes, passionate is a good term. In fact, here is a photo of him so proud of himself after eating his dinner. That's it. I say Phillip is passionate! (And, one adorable terror...in the most loving sense of the word.)

Update on Katie Kate

Katie....what can I say? She is a hoot! Everyday she uses more vocabulary that makes me proud as a literacy teacher. Just the other morning she was mentioning "texture" when describing how something felt.

She recently built a fort in the living room. Here is a picture of Katie in her fort with Daddy. You will notice that she is using afghans made for her by her great grandmother, a small blankie made for her by her Aunt Ginny, pillows off our bed, and the chairs I assembled for her and Phillip so they could have their own toddler-sized book nook. Upon completion of the fort, Katie made it known that "No babies are allowed! Only Mommy, Daddy, and Katies are allowed in the fort. Not Phillips." She was very emphatic on this point.

Later, when Phillip was taken out of his play yard to roam freely among the house (I affectionately call it "free range baby time"), Katie was so worried that Phillip would enter, touch, or somehow interact with her carefully constructed fort. Well, Phillip just maneuvered around it and he had not a care in the world to be involved with the fort. Phillip just went about his normal business of tearing the house apart....everything BUT the fort. It is like he understood her previously-stated dictum and acted like the fort did not exist. Go figure.

Finally Back Up and Running...

Thank you for your patience. It has been quite some time since last I posted and for that, I apologize. It is not like I have not thought about blogging. It is just that I felt uninspired. Sure, ideas for entries came to me, but I seemed to have writer's block when it came to the actually crafting of entries. I know, I know. The only way to get through writer's block is to write. It is a cruel joke if you ask me.

So, I am back up and running. More to follow soon....

Rummage Sale

So, I am trying to get items together for a tag sale.  "Trying" being the optimum word.  It is not easy with the kids under toe, but I will prevail.  Yes, sir, I will!  Of course, there are the distractions.  I have come across some old writer's notebooks.  Oh, the writing could use so much work, but there are some gems hiding.  Here is a sampling (I won't bore you with the full entries):

• Tears silently crept down my cheeks as Dad, still holding the almost-transparent paper looked at me and said, "I am so very proud of you."
• Fifth grade was the year that changed my life.
• Disorganize Your Life - Okay, let's admit it, folks.  Too much emphasis is placed upon organizing everything including the dust bunnies under your bed.  Really, what is wrong with a bit of organized chaos?
• Why do I carry it?  The memory of when the letter was ever so tentatively handed over to me, makes me smile.
• I see her face, but who is she?  At once both unrecognizable and familiar...how did she come to be?
• It seems to me that childhood is not fair.  Some people, like Ralph Fletcher, have what I would term a "normal childhood".  Others like Naomi Shihab-Nye have a time of conflict.  Perhaps the conflict is the normal piece.
• Often times when I peruse my baby album, I wonder who it is that I am looking at in those photos.  Some memories float in and out of consciousness.  Stories I have been told get another chance to share their perceptions.  The skinny bleached blond smiles, eyes all a twinkle as if she is happy to see me.  But is she?  When I was born, she refused to hold me.  People have said they heard her say, "She was supposed to be a boy."  The funny thing about all those stories I have been told is that they can haunt you.  Memories can, too.
• Despite the engaging discussion, my eyes wandered as I looked around the backseat of this 1986 Buick.  The dusty blue -it was literally dusty- headliner bubbled over the passenger seats.  I wondered if I pricked it with a pin, would it pop or just unceremoniously deflate.  Below the front passenger seat lay a substantial buffet of crumbs.  No wonder there was an almost moldy smell.  Turned off by the crumbs, I chose to look straight ahead.  The driver's copper hair, restrained in its black band, was so smooth, so full of amazing luminescence.  Some strands were actually auburn while others were golden.  What was her secret that made her hair behave like glass?  Absentmindedly, I reached up and gingerly fingered a curl of my own.  It was soft, but not smooth like hers.  "So how would you do it?" and I was forced to look away  from her hair and answer.  I don't remember what I said in response, but I do remember the ashtray.

There is much more, but I procrastinated long enough.  One day I will return to my writing.  Maybe I will finally write that book  that still eludes me.  You know, the best seller.  HA!  In my dreams.  Until then, back to tag sale preparation (and vacuuming, and dusting, and laundry, and....)

Facebook

Okay, I have a confession to make...I am not really understanding this whole Facebook thing.  Perhaps I am getting old.  (Gasp!)  It really seems like a tool for high school and college kids, but then I heard that one of the largest groups on FB are women over 55.  

Okay, I get that younger people are using it as a way to invite folks to join them for events.  Other people are using it to reconnect with old friends.  Some even use it to find relatives.  In theory, it seems like a great tool that will just be embedded in all that we do (like email).  Still, I don't quite have the hang of it.

Why not call someone or send them an email?  If you just want to send a quick wondering or observation, then why not send a Tweet?  Want to share pictures?  Use a photo sharing app like Flikr or Picassa or even Kodak or your local pharmacy.  Like I said, I don't quite have the hang of it.

Then there is the other issue --friending.  How do you handle the person who wants to "friend" you, but you never really liked them when you were in school?  I tried ignoring someone, but then they kept sending requests.  Almost daily!  Then there were the messages attached to the request.  It was suggested that you friend the person and then "unfriend" them.  Umm...what is worse, ignoring someone or delisting them?  Seems to me that either way the person will be upset.  What is the proper FB etiquette in this situation?

Lastly, I wonder how secure Facebook postings are considering that nothing is ever truly safe in cyberspace.  I think that FB may make everything public soon.  Scary.  

So, while Audrey's photos are simply addicting and another friend's observations of the world crack me up, I might just quit Facebook.  But is it a mistake??

Music

Okay, I have to admit that I am addicted to Pandora.  After having toddler songs stuck in my head and searching through radio stations to find one that either is not at commercial or playing something that -Gasp!- I don't find "hip", streaming Pandora is a perfect remedy.  My only problem is that I have such an eclectic taste that I could make multiple "stations", just as I have numerous playlists in iTunes.

Something Larger Than Ourselves

I believe that I am part of something much larger than myself. My soul has a purpose and there are life lessons I am here to learn. The spiritual plane is trying to help me realize my life’s purpose. Since childhood, I have had quite prophetic dreams. It is only recently that I have learned not to be scared by what I see in my dreams. In fact, I now welcome my visions. They are a way for me to communicate with the other side.


Just a couple of weeks ago, I had a fun time with my father in a dream after the variator broke on his 112. For those of you who remember, it would always seize up on him. Frequently Dad would have the 112 apart and carefully making all the necessary repairs.


You all know about the dreams where I saw my children, what they looked like, and what their names would be long before they were born.


I also saw my father’s death at the exact moment it happened. That morning, I was already up and dressed. For some reason I cannot explain, I felt the sudden need to immediately put my head down. Once I did, I was in a deep, relaxed trance. Suddenly, I was in a beautiful open meadow and an elk appeared (the symbol of my paternal grandfather). He spent some time with me and then my attention was drawn to the most mesmerizing blue butterfly (the symbol of my father –long story behind that one). We, too, spent time together. Then the butterfly began to flit away from me. I gleefully chased after it until I realized that it was leaving me. The butterfly landed on the antlers of the majestic elk, and the elk looked in my direction briefly before turning away and running off into the light. I immediately woke up. Yet, I was at peace despite knowing what everything meant. Shortly thereafter, my grandmother called to tell me of my father’s passing.


It is not just dreams that help my soul advance with its life lessons. I also have spirit guides who were chosen by my soul prior to birth. They help me along my path. Their impulses are what I used to call intuition. They are the little voice, the subtle guiding hand, the sudden epiphany … my muses, if you will.


I believe that angels exist to help me along my path, too. My children were able to see them when they were infants. Often they would laugh and giggle at what seemed like thin air, but I learned that they were playing with their angels: in particular, my mother-in-law and my father. As I got older, I observed life with a scientific eye. While there is nothing wrong with the rational perspective of things, it was not until I began practicing meditation that I relearned how to see that which is inexplicable. I have a lot more work to go in this area.


Sometimes the angels send me signs that they are with me, but I just have to learn to listen to them. When thinking about a particular person who has passed away, I have seen faces in items one moment and then the faces disappear. The signs are also things like seeing the numbers on the clock in numerical order after I just thought about someone (like 1:23, for example) and seeing a specific animal I associate with the spirit. Not everything is a sign, though. The signs have to be directly connected to my thinking deeply about someone. Everyone can do it because we are all born with some form of psychic ability. It is just that not everyone takes time to hone their skills through meditation.


While many people get nervous when you begin to discuss spirituality, there are many more who secretly nod their heads in agreement. The spiritual closet is quite a crowded place because it is scary to openly admit that you believe in things like an afterlife, spirits, and reincarnated souls. It is unnerving for me to think that if I have the courage to openly state my intentions to the universe, the universe will make it happen for me. I believe that the universe operates on a completely different time table than I do and that leads to my frustration because I tend to be impatient. Hmm…perhaps one of my life lessons is to accept that things happen when they are meant to occur. At the same time, free choice can either interfere or facilitate the universe’s plan for myself. So confusing! I just have to take a deep breath and trust in God’s plan.


Yes, I believe in God –Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Unlike some church doctrines out there, I do not think accepting the spiritual plane means you don’t believe in God. The two go together beautifully and seamlessly. After all, everything is born from the Divine…and that includes all things spiritual.


Whew! Heavy topic for today. It came about for two reasons. One is what I said last time when asked about when I would return to journaling, about having multiple entries running in my head at once. The other reason comes from today’s lunch. I was sitting with two teachers who were commenting on the fact that we are all part of something much bigger than ourselves. While I feel I could write volumes on this topic, I have to stop and end my lunch hour. I will admit part of me is scared. Some readers will think I am nuts. Then again, I know I am perfectly sane, so there are no worries.

Tantrums

Okay, I admit the blog entries lately have been quick posts of photos. Not that there is anything wrong with that type of quickie posting, but I have been asked when I was going to return to journaling. I guess there is no time like the present. It is not as if I don’t have entries started. There are several in my head. Just like with my other writing, I constantly draft in my mind, but I need to force myself to sit down and commit to pen and paper –or in this case, keyboard to screen.

So, as a great way to procrastinate from continuing with my essays and poetry, here is today’s topic: tantrums.

Yup, you heard me. Tantrums. All you parents out there know just what I am talking about when I mention that word. The majority of the time, my daughter is an angel. Really! But not mornings. No matter how organized and structured I am with routines (and you know Martha Stewart has nothing on me!), Katie has to start each the day with resistance. Then Phillip cries in empathy (a compassionate trait…compassionate, but noisy). Add in the dog barking as if to scold my parenting abilities to quell little ones, and you get a picture of my mornings. I start each and every single day in the same, loud manner. Twenty minutes later and all is calm. You can set your watch by it.

If only I could find time (and peace and quiet and privacy --you lose all privacy when you have toddlers) to have Calgon take me away...

Phillip Stands Up!

Phillip has started the day off right ....by standing! (I apologize for the poor quality photos, but I did not notice that Peter had changed the setting on our camera. Hence, everything is fuzzy and colors are not in the right place making it look like he has black eyes. Ugh! But what can you do?)

Katie's First Dance Recital

Katie and Her First Bike

Bike .....  $3.99 at Salvation Army

Training Wheels  .....   Free 

(made by Harry with wood and wheels that swivel in every direction)

First Ride  .....   PRICELESS!

Phillip's First Birthday Party!

Can you believe that Phillip has turned one already?!  Time has just flown by so quickly.

Katie planned Phillip's very first birthday party.  She carefully chose the theme (baby Sesame Street characters, especially Elmo).  She also planned the menu ("big chicken" aka whole roaster chicken, salad, and honey carrots).  Katie also made Phillip's cake (French vanilla -four layers- with vanilla filling and chocolate frosting).  She then sent Daddy out to get particular balloons that she had previously chosen.  To top it off, Katie helped Phillip blow out his candles and helped to open his presents.

That Was Then... This Is Now...

That Was Then...

April 29, 2008

3 pounds, 11 ounces

17.5 inches long

This Is Now...

April 29, 2009

19 pounds, 2 ounces

29 inches long

18 1/3 inches head circumference

Toddler Talk

Context: "Elmo Grows Up" was playing in Harbor Yard, but we could not get tickets. The show is about the Sesame Street characters dreaming of possible jobs when they reach adulthood.

Daddy: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Katie: A grandma.
A knowing smile crosses Mommy's face as she locks eyes with Daddy.
Mommy: What a wonderful dream, Katie! Why would you like to be a grandma?
Katie, without missing a beat: Because grandmas are full of love.

I love the fact that my children feel so close to my grandmother. My grandmother is more a maternal figure than a grandparent to me. She is one of the most dear people in my heart.

She has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Her lymph nodes in the groin area are full of tumors and will require chemotherapy. Luckily, the lymph nodes in other places, like her armpits, appear to be normal at this time. I so hope that doctors can stop the cancer from growing and spreading. I have read that if caught early enough, this type of cancer has about an 80% survival rate. Fingers crossed....

When I first heard of Grandma's symptoms, I had that uh-oh feeling. You know, the one that casts an ominous shadow over you, giving you sinking feelings in your gut. That night, I had a fitful sleep and was -Okay, call me strange- mourning. Like previously mentioned, Grandma is an immediate family member in my eyes. She is my last tie that binds, if you will.

We all know that people will pass over to the spiritual plane sooner or later. It is just that we hope -scratch that; pray- it is later...much, much later. Somehow, I keep thinking of Grandma as being the same age she was when I was toddler. I know that sounds ridiculous. I am cognizant enough to know that people age. But when you view the world with your heart, you see the poetry that hides from the scientific, analytical eye.

So, here we are. Katie and Phillip all smiles at the mere mention of Grandma's name; Katie insisting we call Grandma "just because"; everyone wanting to either visit Grandma or have her visit us; and Katie wanting to be a Grandma when she grows up because she is "full of so much love."